The prenatal class was boring.  Intensely boring.  Until "she" pushed PLAY on the VCR.  After that I sat up and paid a lot more attention.  Mostly because it was playing on a television and that's easier to pay attention to than a lady pacing back and forth in the front of the room.

The first video was all soft light and halos with a gentle music background.  It made childbirth seem like a piece of cake... something beautiful, something wonderful.  I started to think that we (Charmaine!) might actually survive it.  "She" nattered on a for a bit more and then it was lunch time!  Awesome!  I love lunch time!  Alas, it was not to be a good lunch.

Apparently the first video didn't convey the correct impression of childbirth so they had another lady bare all for the world and demonstrate the correct way to give birth.  It involved a lot more screaming and some very graphic video.  No soft light.  No halos.  No music.  And now I'm scared.  Needless to say I had no trouble paying attention for the rest of the class.

Next was the hospital tour.  I've been to the maternity ward lots of times.  This time though, we turned left instead of right and I was introduced to the torture chambers birthing rooms.  There was the typical hospital bed.  Well, it wasn't that typical... It had all sorts of attachments for violating your privacy, not the least of which was a big steel bar across the top.  Apparently its for "squatting", though I could imagine having fun with a pair of fur lined hand cuffs... oh wait!  That's what got me into this mess!

After we finished oohing and ahhing over the bed the instructor proceeded to demonstrate a number of the more medical looking thingys.  The suction cup, the pliers, the pee pee hose (with a balloon on the end) and the diapers were all particularly disturbing.  Why would a diaper be disturbing?  Well... it uh... wasn't made to fit a newborn...

Anyway, all I can say is that I'm glad I'm not a woman.  Hats off to all you ladies who have survived child-birth.  In particular I have even more respect for my Mom who managed to squeeze out five of us!  Yay Mom!